Aren't You Married Yet?

This has been on my mind for quite some time now, but it has come to pass that I have finally been able to make sense of my thoughts! With time comes understanding, wisdom and peace. This is the perfect example of such...

I recently reconnected with an old friend... [Disclaimer: Nothing "lovey-dovey" or anything; not an ex-boyfriend or crush, just an acquaintance from a different high school. No fireworks were lit, we weren't running through daisy fields, just a good old Facebook message did the trick.]

So anyway, after the initial part of the conversation, he says,

"I'm surprised you're not married yet."

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this statement within the past two years...and I'm nowhere near 30 yet! I wasn't offended at all by this statement, but here's a little bit of what rushed through my mind.

When I was asked this question during the previous years, sometimes I would be in a relationship, sometimes not. I would always think to myself, "Well not yet, but maybe I will be married soon!" But to be honest, I could never really see the actual vision. I could not actually picture myself with a ring on my finger, and I couldn't envision myself as a wife to whomever I was with at the time. No matter how hard I tried.

A couple of years ago, when I became single after a massive turning point in my love life, I reverted back to this question, "Aren't you married yet?"

The answer, of course, was NO. I thought to myself, "Wow, I'm starting to get a little older." As a young teenager, I pictured myself married by the age of 27. That only gave me a few years to hurry up and find "the one" so we could still have enough years under our belt to make this happen!

When I started to see that dating was just NOT working for me at that particular point in time, I began to wonder...man, what if I passed up my opportunity? What if I was supposed to stay with what's-his-name? Don't get me wrong, I have been proposed to before, but I just didn't feel it was right...but what if I made the wrong decision?! What if that was the only rope of matrimony that would ever be thrown my way? I began to believe that I had totally missed the love boat, and that I was stuck in the raging waters of loneliness and bitterness!

 That was what I USED to believe....

This all brings me back to my thoughts today, as my old friend made this statement, "I'm surprised you're not married yet." As I stated previously, I wasn't offended by this question. I simply replied,

"Everything happens (or doesn't happen) for a reason. In due time."

What this means is just that. I have been in relationships with great guys. Each had their own flaws, but they weren't horrible. See, you can be with a great guy for as long as you want. True enough, we are all individuals capable of making our own decisions, but that great guy isn't the one for you and will not be with you in the long run unless GOD says so. We have a destiny to follow, and it's not up to us to fully understand it, because the path runs so far ahead of us that our mere flashlight of a mind will never see that far.

I finally understand this. "The one" for me is a shadow until it is time to make himself known to me, through the will of God. Who knows, perhaps I have had the privilege of meeting him already. But for now, it is my focus to become the best version of me who will be compatible with him. If I'm not where I want to be in life and as a person, what gives me the right to believe that I am ready for all that will be required of me as a WIFE? (At least like the one they're talking about in Proverbs 31:10.) Until I am ready and PREPARED, I will continue to pray for him, whoever he is, and that he is preparing for me as well.

I hope this message is helpful for all the single women out there. I always hoped for a way to share my story without being too detailed. Here it is.

Weird Is the New Sexy!

I won’t waste your time with my pointless thoughts every two seconds, but I would like to say this…

WEIRD IS THE NEW SEXY...

Yes, I said it…and not just because I actually claim to be a citizen of the weird sub-community. We all know that weird is actually a state of mind, right? If you haven’t gotten the memo by now, I advise you to catch the next train to self-awareness. I mean, who wants “normal” anymore? Normal is quite boring! Normal is a river of melancholy people following the person in front of them, one-by-one.

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Being weird is like stepping out of a long line and sneaking into the venue through the back door, without even paying! What am I even talking about? I don’t know…but I do know that weird, in some awkward way, is actually just being ourselves. I wish we could do away with the negative connotations.

I like hip-hop. Real hip-hop. I mean with lyrics and everything (let that sink in). Mainstream music becomes exhausting when you hear the same negative lyrics throughout the day on the radio. I listen to my music to soothe my mind, and become more productive. I also enjoy listening to a plethora of instrumentals, just because. It makes me happy. I'm not exactly saying that the type of music I listen to is weird. I have a combination of traits that I believe are unique among the people I am surrounded by on a day to day basis. For some reason, I don’t feel comfortable listening to my favorite artists in front of other people, including my friends…because I think that they will think I am lame, or odd. My friends have already pretty much formed their opinions about me, yet they still decide to be my friend for some reason…so why am I so self-conscious around them STILL? If all of the world and it’s many beautiful wonders all boiled away today, all I have is my true inner self. It’s my true essence that no one else can have access to. In a way I feel vulnerable if I allow others to observe the things that are sacred to me, and exactly how they make me tick. What else will I have if I show others what is REALLY inside of me?

Okay, I feel like I’m in a tunnel walking backwards, here. Needless to say, this has been my struggle for as long as I can remember…not showing people the TRUE 100% version of me. There’s always a fence somewhere down the line, and I don’t plan on having it removed anytime soon. Is that wrong, or do we all have a gate that keeps a piece of ourselves locked away from the world? Is your true essence ever really discernible? Is it even supposed to be? I vote not. We are individuals for a reason. When we start mentioning twin flames, that’s a completely different story! I’ll save that subject for another blog entry…

As far as individuality goes, I'm embracing the fact that I am weird more and more each day, and you should as well. What makes us weird is the way we may dress, the colors we wear, the languages we speak, the forms of art we enjoy, foods we eat, etc. If all of it was strange, so to speak, none of it would exist for our pleasure! We have our senses to enjoy the various aspects of life...isn't that one of the few freedoms we have left in this world? 

What's "sexy" (in my opinion) is not how many pairs of designer shoes you have, or walking around half-naked all of the time. It's about embracing your true self, and being open just enough for the world to sense that you are an individual, worthy of being loved for that reason alone.

What’s the conclusion in all of this? The heck if I know…I just write what’s on my mind. Kudos to you if you have managed to make sense of it!